The Lost Art of Kissing

The subject of kissing, or actually the lack of it, has come up recently in conversations at parties. People were bemoaning not only the lack of kissing, but the increase in bad kissers in the past few years. This sent me on a journey to get comments from other people as to whether they had noticed anything, and the responses were interesting.

Marah Fellicce of Red Bank, New Jersey, said that she, too, has noticed “the world of kissing has significantly diminished. Kissing can be a wonderful and intimate experience, one that can in some cases, rival the main event.” She says there is “an over sensualizing of the experience between any two people, and a built in desire to hurry up, but what can you expect in an age of instant popcorn?” Franklin Riga, who emphasized the fact that he was a straight male, agrees: “I think that perhaps kissing is becoming a lost art.”

Romance novelist, Kathy Newburn says that kissing is, “totally sensory-all five, in fact. You will feel each other, hear, smell, see and taste each other, all factors that build desire and pleasure. So linger and enjoy, and ultimately practice mastering the art of the kiss.”

The author of “Kissing and Cooking for Couples,” Kim Reutzel, says she believes “kissing is a way to stay and get connected in more ways then one. The touch allows the physical juices to flow creating a soul connecting experience that can rekindle the fires within.”

What Beverly Hills psychiatrist, relationship expert and author of the best selling book “Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them,” Dr. Carol Leiberman, has to say about the recent drop in kissing explains a lot. “The decline in kissing is in part due to our ever-growing ‘to-do’ lists and ever-diminishing time.” She goes on to explain how kissing is actual “the most intimate part of a sexual encounter, since the true feelings of each partner are communicated to the other during this act. People can fake feelings during other aspects of sex, relying upon lust for erections or even orgasms. But they can’t fake what they really feel towards their partner during a kiss. Men and women have become increasingly afraid of intimacy. They don’t want to reveal their true feelings through a kiss because they are afraid of getting too close and then getting hurt.”

Mary Jo Fay, author of several books on relationships, echoes the thought: “People ARE jumping to sex so fast that they are missing the amazing intimacy, anticipation, and heightened awareness that spending more time on kissing and not rushing the sex part can provide.”

“For starters, it’s very intimate and binds you in a way that sex does (you are exchanging body fluids if nothing else),” explains Alison Blackman, publisher and writer for AdviceSisters Publications. “Perhaps that is why prostitutes don’t care to kiss, either. A romantic kiss can mean anything from ‘I like you’ to ‘I adore you’ to ‘I just want hot sex and then I want to forget you.’ It’s an emotionally charged activity. And I think we spend so much time in front of our computer screens that physical connections of all types have diminished. Not a good thing, but a sign of our times.”

But it’s not just the lack of kissing. The other part of the problem is bad kissing. One woman who asked not to be identified because she doesn’t want to hurt her husband’s feelings said, “I have been married almost eight years and since the first month have hated kissing him. He sticks his tongue in my mouth and just wiggles it around like a worm having spasms.”

“I’d make good kissing a deal breaker,” says thrice married Jessie McCaskill. “I now know if someone can’t give themselves up to the kiss, they aren’t naturally sensual people.” Dating expert Mary Jo Fay agrees, saying she believes “bad kissing can be enough to say NEXT to someone else without a moment’s hesitation. Bad kissing usually leads me to believe that the sex won’t be good either.”

Marah Felliccee has even gone so far to teach classes in the art of kissing around the U.S. in New Orleans, Boston and soon in New York City. But she’s not alone. As a matter of fact, you can even go so far as to get a certificate in kissing from Sexologist and Founder of Loveology University, Dr. Ava Cadell, who says she has “made it a priority to educate people on the lost art of kissing with a certified course.” There is even a whole web site ( www.kissing.com ) dedicated to teach people how to be better kissers and the various methods to do just that. “We all love it…but some of us just don’t know that we love it till we’re taught!” says Portland, Oregon resident Don Clarkson.

Really, the easiest way to improve is to ask someone who really is a good kisser to teach it to you. And think about how much fun that can be.

Perhaps all is not lost. Maybe instead of being a driving force in the front seat of human sexuality, it has moved to a place in the backseat. And conceivably it has not lost its appeal so much because of the way people think about sex. Kissing went from the hand, to the mouth and now to the genitals. It wasn’t so very long ago that oral sex was seen as very intimate. Now it’s just another way of showing affection, much as kissing was years ago.

But Ann Keeler Evans, the Marriage Examiner columnist for the “Philadelphia Examiner” doesn’t really believe that kissing has lost its place in intimacy. She has a very high regard for it when she stated in one of her recent columns that “kissing is an art form. It is not a prelude to any thing; it is the culmination. It is not an appetizer, but dessert! It is the chocolate soufflĂ© of desserts. It is the fine wine savored not only with food but also alone.”

Kissing will never really go out of style. Teenagers on dates are a good example of that. But as some of the people interviewed for this article stated, couples who have been together for a while seem to lose interest. Ki Mirra of Burlington, Vermont put it that people “really relish the closeness that kissing encourages.”

And certainly for many people, kissing a truly unspoken form of communication. Architect, Christine Leonard, who has to deal with couples a lot in her business, says she sees a lot of hello/goodbye kissing between these couples and feels she can usually “see true love in a kiss.”

Hope does spring eternal. For some kissing is sometimes a replacement for more intimate encounters. But for most people it is not something they will ever choose to give up. Just as a good painter wants to always get better, practice the art as long as it takes to be a master artist.

Ace McKay, author of the “The Marriage Playbook says she believes that every person needs to become a leader “in setting the trend for kissing’s BIG comeback” by being willing to show affection for the person you most care for, even if it is in public. In other words, set the example by being the example.

Kissing Girls Made Easy – Make Your Kiss a Memorable One

Let’s face it: Kissing someone that you’re attracted to takes guts. You have to have confidence in the other person’s attraction to you and the courage to risk facing what might happen. The other person may turn their face away. Or, worse, you may finally have the kiss you’ve been waiting for–and nothing will happen. No nerves will tingle. No blood will race. It was a dud, and all that chemistry you imagined you had just went right out the window.

The best way to avoid all these situations is to know when it is finally right to kiss someone! And I’m going to tell you how. In this exclusive article, I’ll give you the essential tips you need to lay the groundwork for the first kiss of your dreams. These NEVER-FAIL strategies ensure that you’ll always know when is the right moment to move in for a spine-tingling kiss.

So listen up, guys: First kisses usually happen on first dates, at the end of the night when you are saying goodbye. If you try to kiss her before you’ve gone out properly together, she may think that you are forward and fresh. Making the effort to see that you are compatible and offer her an idea of what life would be like dating you is important. Although you may be tempted to kiss her during the date, restrain yourself. She is still making her mind up about you.

Consider your attitude towards kissing girls. Is it just a prelude to sex? It should NOT because you’re curious about what it will be like, or think she’s hot but otherwise couldn’t be bothered with spending time with her. This may be a common assumption, but women have a sixth sense that detects it RIGHT away!

Instead, adopt the attitude that kisses are wonderful, special gifts that should be given to a girl because you care about her and are interested in getting to know her better. You should want to kiss her because you enjoy being with her and want to let her know that you want to spend more time with her.

Guys and gals alike know that a first kiss means one thing: I like you, and I want to continue seeing you. Both of you will be anxious at the end of the night, wondering whether there will be a kiss and how it will result. I know that I STILL feel nervous on the ride back home after a date. We may have had a great time and be chatting away, but in my heart I can’t stop thinking: will he kiss me goodbye? A kiss goodbye is an almost certain sign that there will be a next date, but if there is no kiss I usually don’t hear back from him.

The perfect opportunity for that first kiss may happen when you least expect it. So EVERY time you are with a guy or girl that you are interested in, make sure you’re prepared for the unexpected kiss! Brush your mouth thoroughly, from your gums to the roof of your mouth to you tongue. Floss and use mouthwash to get rid of any last particles. Never let chapped lips go … use a moisturizing chapstick.

If you go out to eat together, think about how the foods you eat will affect your breath. You can take one night out to eat bland foods to ensure that your mouth will be clean and fresh for that first kiss. Avoid any spicy or strongly-flavored foods, including coffee. A dish with lemon or mint in it will keep your breath clean. Also, take advantage of those complimentary mints!

DON’T smoke. Smokers’ breath can be attractive to other smokers, but if he or she doesn’t smoke, it will be a major turnoff.

Make sure you shave! Women don’t want to kiss you with three-day stubble scratching their chin. Girls, lose that dark lipstick! There is nothing worse that letting your lipstick rub off a man’s face or stain his shirt collar.

Okay, now let’s get down to specifics and address the concerns that guys and girls will have in knowing whether it’s right to kiss.

Guys, remember that, whether you like it or not, you have to win her over BEFORE the kiss … not expect your dazzling kissing technique to win her over. She must be interested in you and open to the idea of sharing a kiss with you BEFORE you make the attempt.

Second, you shouldn’t even consider a kiss unless you’ve worked for it! By working for it, I mean that you’ve got to know her personally, have listened to her, found out as much as you could about her. As I say in my “How to Be Irresistible to Women” course, women want to EARN a man’s respect. They want a man to like her not because of her big rack, but because he ENJOYS being with her. He likes who she is, inside and out.

You owe it to her to take her out on a date in which she’s had a good time and showed you that she enjoyed your company BEFORE trying to make your move.

So test the waters and let her get used to being physically close to you before attempting that kiss. Some ways in which you can do this are:

Giving her friendly hugs. Show her that you can touch her in a non-sexual way and not expect anything else. Don’t make a big deal about it. When she presses into you and seems increasingly reluctant to break away, you know that she wants more. In fact, one day one of those hugs just might turn into the perfect opportunity to plant a light kiss on her lips.

Touch her casually. Try out a bit of physical intimacy to see how she responds. Use this to gauge whether she’s ready to move to the next step of an actual kiss. Touch her arm or her back lightly to guide her to her seat. Try a light tap or stroke on the back of her hand to draw her attention to something. Play the gentleman and kiss her hand. If she seems electrified by your touch, you’re in business. If she seems startled or uncomfortable, take some more time.

Increase physical intimacy. Once she seems as if she likes–or at the very least doesn’t mind–your casual touch, “intrude” into her personal space a bit. You may want to try sitting closer to her than you ordinarily would, or leaning towards her just a bit more than normal. Place your hand over hers … and let it linger. If she pulls away or freezes, she isn’t ready for your kiss.

Now, you’ve got to read her signals. Some body language signals that she’s interested in you enough to try a kiss are:

Her smile. Women show their approval with a smile, and if her smile is a special one that you haven’t seen before–wide, intimate, genuine, and happy–you can be certain that she is enjoying your company as much as you are enjoying hers.

Her eyes. If she is too shy to kiss you, she won’t meet your eyes. If she feels comfortable and open around you, she’ll enjoy looking at you … and if her gaze drops to your lips, feel as if you’ve got a yes right there.

Her body position. If she faces you squarely, with nothing between your two bodies, she is giving you the opportunity to come closer. If her body is turned away from yours, she crosses her arms, or she keeps an object like a table between you, she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to kiss.

Now, it’s up to you to find the perfect moment in which to kiss. DON’T worry that if you don’t jump on the chance to kiss her you won’t have another one. This attitude will lead you to plow forward even when the timing may not be as perfect as you thought. There is always one last chance to kiss her … and that is at her door at the end of the night.

When you’re certain it is right, your conversation may simply stop, and you’ll find yourselves looking at one another in silence, enjoying the experience of holding one another’s eyes. Consider this moment a green light. It can’t be more obvious than that!

Pucker Up! The Benefits of Kissing

He gathered her into his strong arms, his deep brown eyes gazing lovingly into hers as he slowly lowered his lips … teasingly, provocatively … his breath baring his very soul as their lips finally joined, fusing their souls together for eternity.

A scene from a steamy novel, you say? How about wishful thinking on your part? Well, wish no more! What you are about to read may be good for your health. Be prepared to pucker up!

The history of kissing has been officially documented as far back as 1500 B.C. Some say that kissing originated in prehistoric times, where babies were fed a pre-chewed meal so as to avoid choking. This mouth-to-mouth feeding became a sign of trust, dependence and affection between mother and child, a comforting habit carried on into adulthood.

Putting history aside, one thing for certain, kissing plays a very important role in keeping the fires burning in a relationship. Your partner needs to feel appreciated. Your partner needs your love and affection. A kiss can express all that and more. Unfortunately, too many couples are caught up in the “busy-ness of life” and the kiss has turned into a fleeting peck on the cheek, if anything at all. Excuses range from being “too busy” to “too tired,” to “it was fun in the beginning, but now …” It comes as no surprise then that many couples’ theme song has become Where is the Love?

Here’s some straight from the heart advice from a Romance Agent: Wake up and shape up! I’ll assume you’ve all heard the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Here’s another one: “A kiss a day keeps others away.” Sadly, loneliness is often the underlying reason for having a love affair. Plain and simple, relationships require work. Anyone who says otherwise hasn’t much experience in living a real relationship. Just like you don’t sit idly by on your job (let’s hope you don’t), the same is required in your relationship with that special someone in your life. You made the effort at the beginning of your relationship, why not now? Kissing is a fun place to start.

Think back to those first few kisses with your sweetheart. Remember the passion the two of you felt each time your lips met. Surely that brought back some wonderful feelings! So, why is it that we wouldn’t want to keep that same feeling with us today and everyday? Kissing creates and maintains intimacy. It enables you to bond with your partner. Kissing also makes you feel good about yourself, not to mention the many health benefits it awards you:

  1. Kissing is very good for the teeth. Those of you who aren’t overly fond of dentists will be encouraged to know that research has found kissing to help prevent plaque build-up. Hopefully this means fewer visits to the dentist for some of us.
  2. Kissing is good for the heart, as it creates an adrenaline which causes your heart to pump more blood around your body. Kissing Aerobics, anyone?
  3. Studies have indicated that those who kiss their partner goodbye each morning live five years longer than those who don’t.
  4. Kissing is great for the self-esteem. It makes you feel appreciated.
  5. Kissing can aid in slowing the ageing process. For example, a fairly passionate kiss exercises as much as 29 muscles in the cheek and jaw, not to mention the esthetic benefits it brings to the colour and fullness of your lips. Move over Angelina Jolie and Mick Jagger … you’ve got competition!
  6. Kissing burns calories, from 6-12 calories in a gentle kiss to as much as 300 in a lovemaking session! Forget Atkins(TM); try the kissing diet!
  7. Kissing is known to be a stress-reliever, triggering the release of oxytocin, the “feel-good-all-over” hormone. It’s no wonder LouLou L’Amour, author of The ABC’s of Tease & Please, recommends kissing “10 seconds–longer if needed” and to repeat often!

So, go ahead, be healthy and celebrate each day with a kiss. Give your honey a big smooch and reap all the benefits! Oh, why stop at just one kiss? Bring on the chap stick!