You Must Remember This – It Matters Why and When You Kiss

It was a lovely, and pretty typical, Friday evening. The kids were out with friends and the house was all theirs. They were snuggled together on the couch watching this week’s movie choice. They took turns choosing the movie of the week.

Tonight’s movie was a classic, Casablanca. They both knew it well and enjoyed it every time. They hadn’t watched it in awhile, but when the song came on, “As time goes by”, they both sang along. At the end, they sighed, smiled at each other, and, naturally, kissed to mark the line, “A kiss is just a kiss.”

When the movie ended, Tia turned to Tucker and said, “I liked that kiss. We should do more of that.”

Tucker, recognizing his cue, immediately kissed her gently on the lips. Tia smiled and said, “I like that.” After a couple of moments, Tia said, “Tucker, why don’t we kiss more often? We used to kiss all the time. People used to tease us about the dangers of chapped lips. When did we stop kissing so much?”

Tucker wrinkled his forehead as he considered the question. “Hmm. I don’t know the answer, but I think I know the solution.” And he pulled her closer and locked lips with her. This time it wasn’t so much a gentle kiss as a suggestive one. The suggestion was made all the more obvious by the way he was pulling against her.

To his confusion, Tia pulled away and started talking again.

“Whoa, Tucker. That is not where I was going with the conversation.”

“Tia, we just watched one of the most romantic movies ever made. Then you made a point about us kissing more. I thought our direction was pretty obvious.” Tucker wasn’t so much angry as he was just completely confused. But he was not a novice at this marriage communication thing; he had skills! He reoriented and sat back a bit. He made eye contact and made an inquiry, smiling so that Tia felt that he was on her side.

“Okay, Tia, help me understand what you were thinking.”

Tia had learned to trust that Tucker really wanted to know, so she explained.

“I think we’ve gotten so familiar and casual with each other and so busy that we don’t often stop and just connect through kissing. Kissing means we have to stop doing everything else and just for those few moments be totally with each other. It’s a lovely thing, but I think it’s an interruption of a sort that we don’t often make time or thought for.”

Tucker nodded. This made sense to him. They’d even made do too often with just making a kissing gesture across the room when one or the other of them left the house.

But, looking at Tia, Tucker had a suspicion that there was another thought there that she needed to share.

“Tia, there’s something else on your mind. Spill it.” He smiled at her to encourage her to speak freely.

“Well, I think it was more than just time going by. I may have to take some responsibility for this. I think I started to avoid kissing you because I didn’t want to raise your expectations. A lot of the time when we’d kiss, especially if I initiated the kiss, you took it from gentle affection to something more passionate. And then it would seem that you expected it to evolve into sex. I didn’t want to give you that message all the time. So I think I just stopped kissing. But I really miss the kissing.”

Tia looked sad.

Tucker looked thoughtful. His forehead wrinkled again.

“Well, I guess I have to share that responsibility. It’s pretty much true that I would like most of those kisses to be passionate and to lead to more. You’re always beautiful to me, Tia, and I almost always want to be passionate with you. But you’ve explained to me before that your mindset isn’t always in that place, so I guess I get that the passionate stuff doesn’t always feel welcome or well-timed.”

Tia smiled broadly and lovingly at Tucker when she heard how well he had listened and how well he understood her feelings, even when they were different from his own.

Tucker hit the jackpot when he then said, “So how about I just follow your lead if you take the kiss up a notch?” At which point she most clearly did.

Are You Killing Your Business? Tell People About It!

So you want to start a MLM or work at home business? If you are like most people you have gone through the typical business checklist:

– I have a passion for my MLM or work at home business – CHECK

– I have a product to sell with my MLM or work at home business- CHECK

– I have a great looking website for my MLM or work at home business- CHECK

– I have a budget for my MLM or work at home business – CHECK

– I’m ready to go! – WRONG

It doesn’t matter whether you have an internet / MLM based business or a “brick and mortar” business you must tell others about it or you will flounder. The last thing that many budding MLM’ers do is consider how they will promote their MLM or work at home business. And, that is the business “kiss of death”.

How you promote your MLM or work at home business depends on where your audience will be. This can really be divided into two parties depending on whether your MLM business is internet based or “brick and mortar” based.

For internet based MLM’s or work at home businesses their audience will of course be on the internet – that goes without saying. Therefore you need to go where the big fish are! This means you can follow one of two primary schools of thought. You can either choose to “rent” an audience in the form of an e-zine. This will allow you to get your message out to thousands of warm prospects who are eager to hear about your specific topic. Another school of thought is to create your OWN warm prospects by purchasing opt in subscribers who WANT to hear about information you have. The first method takes less work and usually results with quicker results. The downside is that you only get a one shot mailing to get your word out. The latter method takes longer to develop your customers but you also have many opportunities to convince them through your auto responder follow-ups. You typically get more customers in the long run with this method – IF you can wait long enough.

For “brick and mortar” MLM businesses the advertising is different. First of all their customers are primarily not looking for them on the internet. Instead, their customers want, or sometimes must come to a physical location to get their product. If I’m selling software, hardware or any other item that can be shipped then I would always use a combination approach of a web site as a service tool with traditional offline advertising methods (newspaper, television, radio, etc.)

For products that can’t be shipped (think ice cream parlor, restaurant, etc.) then I would always choose offline media that is visually appealing. Your customers have to picture themselves at your location or you will fail. You just can’t convince someone to try your new restaurant with words alone. You must show them a picture and that photograph must be aesthetically appealing as well.

Offline advertising typically takes longer to convert customers but the goal is different than internet based media. The goal here is to create a longer term customer that will return again and again plus tell their friends about it. Offline businesses live and die on customer service as much as initial marketing. This is something that internet based businesses usually don’t have to worry about.

The bottom line is that you must plan every detail of your MLM or work at home business before launching your ship. If you miss even a part of the equation you are setting yourself up to become a MLM statistic!

The Lost Art of Kissing

The subject of kissing, or actually the lack of it, has come up recently in conversations at parties. People were bemoaning not only the lack of kissing, but the increase in bad kissers in the past few years. This sent me on a journey to get comments from other people as to whether they had noticed anything, and the responses were interesting.

Marah Fellicce of Red Bank, New Jersey, said that she, too, has noticed “the world of kissing has significantly diminished. Kissing can be a wonderful and intimate experience, one that can in some cases, rival the main event.” She says there is “an over sensualizing of the experience between any two people, and a built in desire to hurry up, but what can you expect in an age of instant popcorn?” Franklin Riga, who emphasized the fact that he was a straight male, agrees: “I think that perhaps kissing is becoming a lost art.”

Romance novelist, Kathy Newburn says that kissing is, “totally sensory-all five, in fact. You will feel each other, hear, smell, see and taste each other, all factors that build desire and pleasure. So linger and enjoy, and ultimately practice mastering the art of the kiss.”

The author of “Kissing and Cooking for Couples,” Kim Reutzel, says she believes “kissing is a way to stay and get connected in more ways then one. The touch allows the physical juices to flow creating a soul connecting experience that can rekindle the fires within.”

What Beverly Hills psychiatrist, relationship expert and author of the best selling book “Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them,” Dr. Carol Leiberman, has to say about the recent drop in kissing explains a lot. “The decline in kissing is in part due to our ever-growing ‘to-do’ lists and ever-diminishing time.” She goes on to explain how kissing is actual “the most intimate part of a sexual encounter, since the true feelings of each partner are communicated to the other during this act. People can fake feelings during other aspects of sex, relying upon lust for erections or even orgasms. But they can’t fake what they really feel towards their partner during a kiss. Men and women have become increasingly afraid of intimacy. They don’t want to reveal their true feelings through a kiss because they are afraid of getting too close and then getting hurt.”

Mary Jo Fay, author of several books on relationships, echoes the thought: “People ARE jumping to sex so fast that they are missing the amazing intimacy, anticipation, and heightened awareness that spending more time on kissing and not rushing the sex part can provide.”

“For starters, it’s very intimate and binds you in a way that sex does (you are exchanging body fluids if nothing else),” explains Alison Blackman, publisher and writer for AdviceSisters Publications. “Perhaps that is why prostitutes don’t care to kiss, either. A romantic kiss can mean anything from ‘I like you’ to ‘I adore you’ to ‘I just want hot sex and then I want to forget you.’ It’s an emotionally charged activity. And I think we spend so much time in front of our computer screens that physical connections of all types have diminished. Not a good thing, but a sign of our times.”

But it’s not just the lack of kissing. The other part of the problem is bad kissing. One woman who asked not to be identified because she doesn’t want to hurt her husband’s feelings said, “I have been married almost eight years and since the first month have hated kissing him. He sticks his tongue in my mouth and just wiggles it around like a worm having spasms.”

“I’d make good kissing a deal breaker,” says thrice married Jessie McCaskill. “I now know if someone can’t give themselves up to the kiss, they aren’t naturally sensual people.” Dating expert Mary Jo Fay agrees, saying she believes “bad kissing can be enough to say NEXT to someone else without a moment’s hesitation. Bad kissing usually leads me to believe that the sex won’t be good either.”

Marah Felliccee has even gone so far to teach classes in the art of kissing around the U.S. in New Orleans, Boston and soon in New York City. But she’s not alone. As a matter of fact, you can even go so far as to get a certificate in kissing from Sexologist and Founder of Loveology University, Dr. Ava Cadell, who says she has “made it a priority to educate people on the lost art of kissing with a certified course.” There is even a whole web site ( www.kissing.com ) dedicated to teach people how to be better kissers and the various methods to do just that. “We all love it…but some of us just don’t know that we love it till we’re taught!” says Portland, Oregon resident Don Clarkson.

Really, the easiest way to improve is to ask someone who really is a good kisser to teach it to you. And think about how much fun that can be.

Perhaps all is not lost. Maybe instead of being a driving force in the front seat of human sexuality, it has moved to a place in the backseat. And conceivably it has not lost its appeal so much because of the way people think about sex. Kissing went from the hand, to the mouth and now to the genitals. It wasn’t so very long ago that oral sex was seen as very intimate. Now it’s just another way of showing affection, much as kissing was years ago.

But Ann Keeler Evans, the Marriage Examiner columnist for the “Philadelphia Examiner” doesn’t really believe that kissing has lost its place in intimacy. She has a very high regard for it when she stated in one of her recent columns that “kissing is an art form. It is not a prelude to any thing; it is the culmination. It is not an appetizer, but dessert! It is the chocolate soufflĂ© of desserts. It is the fine wine savored not only with food but also alone.”

Kissing will never really go out of style. Teenagers on dates are a good example of that. But as some of the people interviewed for this article stated, couples who have been together for a while seem to lose interest. Ki Mirra of Burlington, Vermont put it that people “really relish the closeness that kissing encourages.”

And certainly for many people, kissing a truly unspoken form of communication. Architect, Christine Leonard, who has to deal with couples a lot in her business, says she sees a lot of hello/goodbye kissing between these couples and feels she can usually “see true love in a kiss.”

Hope does spring eternal. For some kissing is sometimes a replacement for more intimate encounters. But for most people it is not something they will ever choose to give up. Just as a good painter wants to always get better, practice the art as long as it takes to be a master artist.

Ace McKay, author of the “The Marriage Playbook says she believes that every person needs to become a leader “in setting the trend for kissing’s BIG comeback” by being willing to show affection for the person you most care for, even if it is in public. In other words, set the example by being the example.