The Lost Art of Kissing

The subject of kissing, or actually the lack of it, has come up recently in conversations at parties. People were bemoaning not only the lack of kissing, but the increase in bad kissers in the past few years. This sent me on a journey to get comments from other people as to whether they had noticed anything, and the responses were interesting.

Marah Fellicce of Red Bank, New Jersey, said that she, too, has noticed “the world of kissing has significantly diminished. Kissing can be a wonderful and intimate experience, one that can in some cases, rival the main event.” She says there is “an over sensualizing of the experience between any two people, and a built in desire to hurry up, but what can you expect in an age of instant popcorn?” Franklin Riga, who emphasized the fact that he was a straight male, agrees: “I think that perhaps kissing is becoming a lost art.”

Romance novelist, Kathy Newburn says that kissing is, “totally sensory-all five, in fact. You will feel each other, hear, smell, see and taste each other, all factors that build desire and pleasure. So linger and enjoy, and ultimately practice mastering the art of the kiss.”

The author of “Kissing and Cooking for Couples,” Kim Reutzel, says she believes “kissing is a way to stay and get connected in more ways then one. The touch allows the physical juices to flow creating a soul connecting experience that can rekindle the fires within.”

What Beverly Hills psychiatrist, relationship expert and author of the best selling book “Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them,” Dr. Carol Leiberman, has to say about the recent drop in kissing explains a lot. “The decline in kissing is in part due to our ever-growing ‘to-do’ lists and ever-diminishing time.” She goes on to explain how kissing is actual “the most intimate part of a sexual encounter, since the true feelings of each partner are communicated to the other during this act. People can fake feelings during other aspects of sex, relying upon lust for erections or even orgasms. But they can’t fake what they really feel towards their partner during a kiss. Men and women have become increasingly afraid of intimacy. They don’t want to reveal their true feelings through a kiss because they are afraid of getting too close and then getting hurt.”

Mary Jo Fay, author of several books on relationships, echoes the thought: “People ARE jumping to sex so fast that they are missing the amazing intimacy, anticipation, and heightened awareness that spending more time on kissing and not rushing the sex part can provide.”

“For starters, it’s very intimate and binds you in a way that sex does (you are exchanging body fluids if nothing else),” explains Alison Blackman, publisher and writer for AdviceSisters Publications. “Perhaps that is why prostitutes don’t care to kiss, either. A romantic kiss can mean anything from ‘I like you’ to ‘I adore you’ to ‘I just want hot sex and then I want to forget you.’ It’s an emotionally charged activity. And I think we spend so much time in front of our computer screens that physical connections of all types have diminished. Not a good thing, but a sign of our times.”

But it’s not just the lack of kissing. The other part of the problem is bad kissing. One woman who asked not to be identified because she doesn’t want to hurt her husband’s feelings said, “I have been married almost eight years and since the first month have hated kissing him. He sticks his tongue in my mouth and just wiggles it around like a worm having spasms.”

“I’d make good kissing a deal breaker,” says thrice married Jessie McCaskill. “I now know if someone can’t give themselves up to the kiss, they aren’t naturally sensual people.” Dating expert Mary Jo Fay agrees, saying she believes “bad kissing can be enough to say NEXT to someone else without a moment’s hesitation. Bad kissing usually leads me to believe that the sex won’t be good either.”

Marah Felliccee has even gone so far to teach classes in the art of kissing around the U.S. in New Orleans, Boston and soon in New York City. But she’s not alone. As a matter of fact, you can even go so far as to get a certificate in kissing from Sexologist and Founder of Loveology University, Dr. Ava Cadell, who says she has “made it a priority to educate people on the lost art of kissing with a certified course.” There is even a whole web site ( www.kissing.com ) dedicated to teach people how to be better kissers and the various methods to do just that. “We all love it…but some of us just don’t know that we love it till we’re taught!” says Portland, Oregon resident Don Clarkson.

Really, the easiest way to improve is to ask someone who really is a good kisser to teach it to you. And think about how much fun that can be.

Perhaps all is not lost. Maybe instead of being a driving force in the front seat of human sexuality, it has moved to a place in the backseat. And conceivably it has not lost its appeal so much because of the way people think about sex. Kissing went from the hand, to the mouth and now to the genitals. It wasn’t so very long ago that oral sex was seen as very intimate. Now it’s just another way of showing affection, much as kissing was years ago.

But Ann Keeler Evans, the Marriage Examiner columnist for the “Philadelphia Examiner” doesn’t really believe that kissing has lost its place in intimacy. She has a very high regard for it when she stated in one of her recent columns that “kissing is an art form. It is not a prelude to any thing; it is the culmination. It is not an appetizer, but dessert! It is the chocolate soufflĂ© of desserts. It is the fine wine savored not only with food but also alone.”

Kissing will never really go out of style. Teenagers on dates are a good example of that. But as some of the people interviewed for this article stated, couples who have been together for a while seem to lose interest. Ki Mirra of Burlington, Vermont put it that people “really relish the closeness that kissing encourages.”

And certainly for many people, kissing a truly unspoken form of communication. Architect, Christine Leonard, who has to deal with couples a lot in her business, says she sees a lot of hello/goodbye kissing between these couples and feels she can usually “see true love in a kiss.”

Hope does spring eternal. For some kissing is sometimes a replacement for more intimate encounters. But for most people it is not something they will ever choose to give up. Just as a good painter wants to always get better, practice the art as long as it takes to be a master artist.

Ace McKay, author of the “The Marriage Playbook says she believes that every person needs to become a leader “in setting the trend for kissing’s BIG comeback” by being willing to show affection for the person you most care for, even if it is in public. In other words, set the example by being the example.

Deliver the Mind Blowing Kiss He Will Never Forget

When the date is over, and he is ready to leave, do you want to deliver a mind blowing kiss he will never forget? Are you well versed in techniques that seductive women use to leave their boyfriends with something to look forward to the next time they meet? Is your own kiss in need of a serious upgrade? Then you need to follow these trusted guidelines that will turn your average kiss, into something he will not soon forget.

Timing is everything.

The mind blowing kiss should be the last kiss of the day, and you want the kiss to have a lasting effect on him. Make sure all of the discussions are finished, and it appears that he is ready to leave. This is the best opportunity for you to show him that you have deep feelings for him, and the kiss needs to deliver that message.

It’s all about the delivery.

At the end of the day, when he is ready to give you a kiss goodbye, look deep into his eyes and draw him close to you. Keep your lips lightly together as they meet his and take care to keep them relaxed and soft. Begin slowly and gently moving your head and lips, so not to startle him with too much passion in the beginning.

Keep your hands busy.

When building up the passion for your mind blowing kiss, remember to keep your hands busy. While there may be a strong urge for you to put them where they don’t belong, do use them to stroke his back and steady his head. This will enable you to better press your entire body closer to him.

The kiss should be an all body experience.

The mind blowing kiss should involve your whole body, not just your mouth. While head movement is natural, let the rest of your body enjoy his embrace. This will relax him and give him the impression he is the one in control.

Polishing off the kiss.

As the mind blowing kiss begins to get passionate, let your tongue touch his lips ever so lightly. This will present the opportunity to French kiss. If he is open to the French kiss, again let him lead, and when it happens enjoy the taste of him while letting him enjoy you. Don’t be surprised if he is breathing a little heavier when you finish up, and part company.

Kissing 101 Techniques

If you believe kisses play a significant role in foreplay, then you are dead right. However you cannot forget the power of those sweet kisses after a session of lovemaking. Your woman cherishes those intimate moments when you hold her close to you and take her in your arms. She likes it when you gently prod her face toward you and kiss her, hugging her as she falls into sleep. The best kisses are after love-making when you softly kiss between her eyes, on the tip of her nose and kiss languidly but sharply on her lips.

A woman’s mouth is a cavern of pleasure. No one can beat the French kiss in its zenith of passion. It needs no introduction. You can experiment with kiss by taking a small piece of juicy fruit like strawberries, grapes, little pieces of mango and placing it between your lips. Kiss her on her mouth and nibble one half of the piece of the fruit while she nibbles on the other half, till it breaks into two pieces and the juice percolates into each other’s mouths. Just before kissing, gently run your tongue along your partners lip whether it is the top or bottom one depending on the position of your lips. Women find it increasingly erotic when you suck on their lower lip while kissing.

My friend Lisa describes the nip kiss to be quite erotic. She especially enjoyed it when her partner gently nibbled on her lips during the lip-locking session. You have to be careful not to bite her too hard. Also very seductive and imaginative is the reverse kiss. In this type of kiss, you have to kiss her, starting from her scalp. As you explore southward, you have to suck her bottom lip in your mouth and suck and nibble on it gently. Your girl will throw her arms around you and let you kiss her more.

Experiment with the kisses. That way, your girl will never leave you. You are continuously incorporating innovation in your technique which keeps her perpetually wet for you. A woman is an embodiment of pleasure and to give honor only to her lips will be a tad unfair. Her toes deserve as much attention as her lips. Suck her toes and though it will tickle, she will find it amusing and fun. To give a toe kiss, you have to gently suck the toes and then lightly start kissing the foot. Massage the base of the foot as you kiss her there. Have you wondered how it feels when you pop a piece of ice in your mouth and then draw little circles using your mouth around her belly button? You can vary your speed and pace as you apply the pressure of your mouth and ice on her belly and navel. It is very intoxicating for her as the ice melts due to the warmth of her body and the cool water trickles and runs through her bellybutton to her crotch in a languid trail. You can trace the path of water with your tongue and go southward till she moans in pleasure. You can use the ice and pass it with your tongue to her mouth and have a cool steamy French kiss.

You can lick her lips till they turn warm and then gently blow on them and the hot and cold mix will make her get mad with passion. Since most women have sensitive regions in their neck, nibbling up and down her neck and the chin can arouse her. One of my friends acknowledges that of the most surprises, she loves the one in which her boyfriend comes from behind her, hugs her and kisses the top of her shoulder. Your woman knows you have a favorite choice of beverage and drink. Do you want her to taste it? You can make her taste it from your lips. Take a small sip of your favorite drink and leave a little bit on your lips. Kiss her and let the taste get transferred to her tongue and lips. Gently keep your lips brushed against her neck, behind the ear. Then send a sexy shiver through her spine by gently humming and vibrating your lips and cheeks up and down her neck, on her cheeks and lips.

Game for sexy love bites? If she is the sexy tigress, you are the hunter. Sneak behind her when she is busy. Quite out of surprise, grab her from behind and gently bite on her neck. Make sure to growl too and it will surprise them and keep her in splits later. Turn her around and look deep in her eyes. Slowly but softly run the tip of your tongue along her lips as if you are licking it. Then kiss her upper lip and then gently suck her lower lip. Make sure that you let your tongue caress hers as you immerse in the depths of the kiss.