The Lost Art of Kissing

The subject of kissing, or actually the lack of it, has come up recently in conversations at parties. People were bemoaning not only the lack of kissing, but the increase in bad kissers in the past few years. This sent me on a journey to get comments from other people as to whether they had noticed anything, and the responses were interesting.

Marah Fellicce of Red Bank, New Jersey, said that she, too, has noticed “the world of kissing has significantly diminished. Kissing can be a wonderful and intimate experience, one that can in some cases, rival the main event.” She says there is “an over sensualizing of the experience between any two people, and a built in desire to hurry up, but what can you expect in an age of instant popcorn?” Franklin Riga, who emphasized the fact that he was a straight male, agrees: “I think that perhaps kissing is becoming a lost art.”

Romance novelist, Kathy Newburn says that kissing is, “totally sensory-all five, in fact. You will feel each other, hear, smell, see and taste each other, all factors that build desire and pleasure. So linger and enjoy, and ultimately practice mastering the art of the kiss.”

The author of “Kissing and Cooking for Couples,” Kim Reutzel, says she believes “kissing is a way to stay and get connected in more ways then one. The touch allows the physical juices to flow creating a soul connecting experience that can rekindle the fires within.”

What Beverly Hills psychiatrist, relationship expert and author of the best selling book “Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them,” Dr. Carol Leiberman, has to say about the recent drop in kissing explains a lot. “The decline in kissing is in part due to our ever-growing ‘to-do’ lists and ever-diminishing time.” She goes on to explain how kissing is actual “the most intimate part of a sexual encounter, since the true feelings of each partner are communicated to the other during this act. People can fake feelings during other aspects of sex, relying upon lust for erections or even orgasms. But they can’t fake what they really feel towards their partner during a kiss. Men and women have become increasingly afraid of intimacy. They don’t want to reveal their true feelings through a kiss because they are afraid of getting too close and then getting hurt.”

Mary Jo Fay, author of several books on relationships, echoes the thought: “People ARE jumping to sex so fast that they are missing the amazing intimacy, anticipation, and heightened awareness that spending more time on kissing and not rushing the sex part can provide.”

“For starters, it’s very intimate and binds you in a way that sex does (you are exchanging body fluids if nothing else),” explains Alison Blackman, publisher and writer for AdviceSisters Publications. “Perhaps that is why prostitutes don’t care to kiss, either. A romantic kiss can mean anything from ‘I like you’ to ‘I adore you’ to ‘I just want hot sex and then I want to forget you.’ It’s an emotionally charged activity. And I think we spend so much time in front of our computer screens that physical connections of all types have diminished. Not a good thing, but a sign of our times.”

But it’s not just the lack of kissing. The other part of the problem is bad kissing. One woman who asked not to be identified because she doesn’t want to hurt her husband’s feelings said, “I have been married almost eight years and since the first month have hated kissing him. He sticks his tongue in my mouth and just wiggles it around like a worm having spasms.”

“I’d make good kissing a deal breaker,” says thrice married Jessie McCaskill. “I now know if someone can’t give themselves up to the kiss, they aren’t naturally sensual people.” Dating expert Mary Jo Fay agrees, saying she believes “bad kissing can be enough to say NEXT to someone else without a moment’s hesitation. Bad kissing usually leads me to believe that the sex won’t be good either.”

Marah Felliccee has even gone so far to teach classes in the art of kissing around the U.S. in New Orleans, Boston and soon in New York City. But she’s not alone. As a matter of fact, you can even go so far as to get a certificate in kissing from Sexologist and Founder of Loveology University, Dr. Ava Cadell, who says she has “made it a priority to educate people on the lost art of kissing with a certified course.” There is even a whole web site ( www.kissing.com ) dedicated to teach people how to be better kissers and the various methods to do just that. “We all love it…but some of us just don’t know that we love it till we’re taught!” says Portland, Oregon resident Don Clarkson.

Really, the easiest way to improve is to ask someone who really is a good kisser to teach it to you. And think about how much fun that can be.

Perhaps all is not lost. Maybe instead of being a driving force in the front seat of human sexuality, it has moved to a place in the backseat. And conceivably it has not lost its appeal so much because of the way people think about sex. Kissing went from the hand, to the mouth and now to the genitals. It wasn’t so very long ago that oral sex was seen as very intimate. Now it’s just another way of showing affection, much as kissing was years ago.

But Ann Keeler Evans, the Marriage Examiner columnist for the “Philadelphia Examiner” doesn’t really believe that kissing has lost its place in intimacy. She has a very high regard for it when she stated in one of her recent columns that “kissing is an art form. It is not a prelude to any thing; it is the culmination. It is not an appetizer, but dessert! It is the chocolate soufflĂ© of desserts. It is the fine wine savored not only with food but also alone.”

Kissing will never really go out of style. Teenagers on dates are a good example of that. But as some of the people interviewed for this article stated, couples who have been together for a while seem to lose interest. Ki Mirra of Burlington, Vermont put it that people “really relish the closeness that kissing encourages.”

And certainly for many people, kissing a truly unspoken form of communication. Architect, Christine Leonard, who has to deal with couples a lot in her business, says she sees a lot of hello/goodbye kissing between these couples and feels she can usually “see true love in a kiss.”

Hope does spring eternal. For some kissing is sometimes a replacement for more intimate encounters. But for most people it is not something they will ever choose to give up. Just as a good painter wants to always get better, practice the art as long as it takes to be a master artist.

Ace McKay, author of the “The Marriage Playbook says she believes that every person needs to become a leader “in setting the trend for kissing’s BIG comeback” by being willing to show affection for the person you most care for, even if it is in public. In other words, set the example by being the example.

Pucker Up! The Benefits of Kissing

He gathered her into his strong arms, his deep brown eyes gazing lovingly into hers as he slowly lowered his lips … teasingly, provocatively … his breath baring his very soul as their lips finally joined, fusing their souls together for eternity.

A scene from a steamy novel, you say? How about wishful thinking on your part? Well, wish no more! What you are about to read may be good for your health. Be prepared to pucker up!

The history of kissing has been officially documented as far back as 1500 B.C. Some say that kissing originated in prehistoric times, where babies were fed a pre-chewed meal so as to avoid choking. This mouth-to-mouth feeding became a sign of trust, dependence and affection between mother and child, a comforting habit carried on into adulthood.

Putting history aside, one thing for certain, kissing plays a very important role in keeping the fires burning in a relationship. Your partner needs to feel appreciated. Your partner needs your love and affection. A kiss can express all that and more. Unfortunately, too many couples are caught up in the “busy-ness of life” and the kiss has turned into a fleeting peck on the cheek, if anything at all. Excuses range from being “too busy” to “too tired,” to “it was fun in the beginning, but now …” It comes as no surprise then that many couples’ theme song has become Where is the Love?

Here’s some straight from the heart advice from a Romance Agent: Wake up and shape up! I’ll assume you’ve all heard the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Here’s another one: “A kiss a day keeps others away.” Sadly, loneliness is often the underlying reason for having a love affair. Plain and simple, relationships require work. Anyone who says otherwise hasn’t much experience in living a real relationship. Just like you don’t sit idly by on your job (let’s hope you don’t), the same is required in your relationship with that special someone in your life. You made the effort at the beginning of your relationship, why not now? Kissing is a fun place to start.

Think back to those first few kisses with your sweetheart. Remember the passion the two of you felt each time your lips met. Surely that brought back some wonderful feelings! So, why is it that we wouldn’t want to keep that same feeling with us today and everyday? Kissing creates and maintains intimacy. It enables you to bond with your partner. Kissing also makes you feel good about yourself, not to mention the many health benefits it awards you:

  1. Kissing is very good for the teeth. Those of you who aren’t overly fond of dentists will be encouraged to know that research has found kissing to help prevent plaque build-up. Hopefully this means fewer visits to the dentist for some of us.
  2. Kissing is good for the heart, as it creates an adrenaline which causes your heart to pump more blood around your body. Kissing Aerobics, anyone?
  3. Studies have indicated that those who kiss their partner goodbye each morning live five years longer than those who don’t.
  4. Kissing is great for the self-esteem. It makes you feel appreciated.
  5. Kissing can aid in slowing the ageing process. For example, a fairly passionate kiss exercises as much as 29 muscles in the cheek and jaw, not to mention the esthetic benefits it brings to the colour and fullness of your lips. Move over Angelina Jolie and Mick Jagger … you’ve got competition!
  6. Kissing burns calories, from 6-12 calories in a gentle kiss to as much as 300 in a lovemaking session! Forget Atkins(TM); try the kissing diet!
  7. Kissing is known to be a stress-reliever, triggering the release of oxytocin, the “feel-good-all-over” hormone. It’s no wonder LouLou L’Amour, author of The ABC’s of Tease & Please, recommends kissing “10 seconds–longer if needed” and to repeat often!

So, go ahead, be healthy and celebrate each day with a kiss. Give your honey a big smooch and reap all the benefits! Oh, why stop at just one kiss? Bring on the chap stick!

Kissing Tips For Men

From the time that a girl is young she’s used to kissing as her only means of showing affection. So from an early age they put a lot of weight into kissing. A lot of men no matter how old or young are ready to just get down to business and do the nasty deed. They don’t understand that some women, if not most women judge men more based on how well of a kisser they are before thinking of what could happen down the line.

It’s not that men don’t like kissing, they’re often just too eager for their own good. And a lot of women are turned off by this, kissing is something that women take very seriously and men need to learn how to appreciate it more, but how do men learn how to appreciate kissing more then the anticipation of sex?

Well first they need to remember what makes kissing so special in the first place. They need to remember how excited they were when they were young at the thought of kissing a girl for the first time. If they can remember this then maybe they can learn how to appreciate it more as adult men. So what can you do to remember the joy of kissing? Here are a few things that you can begin to do today to experience that electricity that went down your spine the first time you would kiss a girl.

Remember the anticipation:

First you need to remember the anticipation that you felt when you were first dating a girl. You weren’t thinking of sex or any kind of sexual contact at that point, you were just thinking about how awkward it would be that first-time kissing her and how much you were going to enjoy it. It was the anticipation that made it exciting, even if it was just a peck on the lips you still felt that jolt shoot down your spine. Close your eyes and try to remember that, it will help you to understand more of where a woman is coming from and why she enjoys kissing so much.

See it as a strong display of affection:

As I mentioned earlier, some women if not a lot of women see kissing as more of a display of affection than sex itself. This is why you need to make sure that you are good at it. Women judge a man based on how well of a kisser he is. They feel that if a man is not a good kisser then you will probably not be too good in bed either. If this is the case then you will not even get to the bed if you can’t master the kissing part first. So make sure, especially when you are kissing a woman for the first time, that you relax and let things flow naturally, just enjoy it and think of nothing else.

See it as a sign of things to come:

You have to learn to see kissing as a sign of things to come. That way you will go the extra mile to make sure that you do it right. You’ll make sure that you don’t rush things and she will see you as a patient guy. She will go to sleep at night filled with anticipation of what it will be like to be with you down the line. The rare exception to the rule is the girl that doesn’t like to kiss, but this extremely rare as most women like to kiss so it is a good idea to learn how to appreciate the art. Remember kissing is a display of affection and the more affectionate you are seen as the more appreciated you’ll be.

Guys can learn to love kissing just like women love kissing. They just have to learn that kissing is not just something that you do before sex. They need to learn how to appreciate it for the loving act that it is. Not to sound corny or anything, but once you learn how to appreciate kissing, believe it or not, women will appreciate you much more. So remember that the next time you decide you don’t want to kiss a woman.